Why do young people harm themselves?

Young people who self-harm have often had very difficult or painful experiences or relationships. These may include: 

• Bullying or discrimination
• Losing someone close to them such as a parent, brother, sister or friend
• Lack of love and affection or neglect by parents or carers
• Physical or sexual abuse
• A serious illness that affects the way they feel about themselves.

Other young people may start to self-harm as a way of dealing with the problems and pressures of everyday life. Pressure can come from family, school and peer groups to conform or to perform well (for example in getting good exam results). Young people can be made to feel angry, frustrated or bad about themselves if they cannot live up to other people's expectations.

Young people who self-harm may have low self-esteem. For some this is linked to poor body image, eating disorders, or drug misuse. Understanding why young people self-harm involves knowing as much as possible about their lives and lifestyles.

Peer pressures may occasionally be the most important reason for self-harm.Young people may find themselves among friends or other groups who self-harm and may be encouraged or pressurised to do the same.

 

This is what makes us do it

"If you need help about self harm and are doing it yourself I can understand because I do it myself. We do it because we cannot control our feelings anymore and everything we have bottled up in the past and present has taken its toll on us and we cannot take it anymore this is what makes us do it."

Self-harm as a way of coping

Extreme feelings of fear, anger, guilt, shame, helplessness, self-hatred, unhappiness, depression or despair can build up over time. When these feelings become unbearable, self-harm can be a way of dealing with them.

Reasons young people have given for their self-harm include:

• When the level of emotional pressure becomes too high it acts as a safety valve - a way of relieving the tension
• Cutting makes the blood take away the bad feelings
• Pain can make someone feel more alive when feeling numb or dead inside
• Punishing oneself relieves feelings of shame or guilt
• When it's too difficult to talk to anyone, it's a form of communication about unhappiness - a way of acknowledging the need for help
• Self-harm gives a sense of control when other parts of life may not.

I believed I'd done wrong

"I believed I'd done wrong and that I should have some form of punishment for it and so I got used to this being my way of coping with things."